Closure
by Maid Malcolm
Summary: Cassie talks to Esplin after the war.


My name is Cass. And I survived the war.

I'm not a soldier, not any more. I save rainforests. I protect animals. I work with the Hork-Bajir and help protect the Taxxon _nothlits_. None of us ever had a chance of getting out of the war unchanged, but apart from the addition of aliens, Earth's integration into galactic society doesn't really affect my career path that much. Sometimes, I can almost sort-of forget the war even happened.

But sometimes, I get days off. And on those days I visit graves. Or old friends. Or, as in this case... it was something I'd been putting off for a long time. But it was something that I felt that I had to do.

"You sure about this?" Ronnie asked. He seemed unwilling to let go of my hand.

I surveyed the compound. Thick, cement walls; I knew they were only to prevent the actual inner titanium walls from overheating in the sun. The soldiers outside the thick door carried big, impressive-looking guns. Still, the squat building was relatively unassuming on a military compound. "I'm sure."

"This is dangerous," Ronnie insisted. "I can't morph; maybe I should – "

"No." Ronnie hadn't had much to do with the war. I wanted that to stay true. There were things he didn't need to know, and things I didn't want to hear from his mouth. "The security is fine. I can handle it." I pulled my hand out of his grip. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Good luck, Cass." We shared a brief kiss. Then, alone, I headed for the building.

I couldn't tell whether or not the guards were staring at me under their full-face masks. This meeting had been arranged on the sheer force of my status and history; nobody else on the planet would've been allowed to do it. It had taken the President's request and my connection to War-Prince Aximili to convince both Andalite and human societies to allow it. And they weren't taking any chances.

One of them pulled out a wand to check me for weapons and verify that I wasn't in morph. The weapons check seemed a little ludicrous on somebody who could turn into a polar bear, but protocol was protocol I guessed. The soldier waved me in, and I walked into a plain, brightly lit hall.

The gleet biofilter made me shudder and, as always, I almost bolted on reflex. I hated those things. The huge safe-like door leading into the vault was less worrisome, but I still didn't like the sound of it clanging shut behind me, cutting off the light outside and leaving only a dim flourescent bulb to see by. But that was enough to see the steel chair laden with heavy leather straps sitting in the center of the room, backed by the IV system connected to what was definitely not a normal hospital IV computer. The room itself was small enough that the doctor standing against the opposite wall was barely an arm's reach away from the chair. I didn't know what kind of doctor he was. Anaesthesiologist, probably? Paramedic? Either would've been suitable. He was young... so young. About my age, probably, and dressed up in a white coat like in the movies. He had dark hair, a tiny beard, and an easy smile. And he was carrying a Dracon beam and a small lavender box.

"I'm Doctor Glass. Now, Miss – "

"Cassie." I had always been Cassie on the battlefield.

"Right. Cassie. We've done everything we can to make this safe, but it's not too late to pull out."

I shook my head. "I'm ready. Let's do it." I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

"Doing this electronically would be safer – "

"I prefer natural forms of communication."

"This isn't natural."

"It is for him."

"Right." He carefully put his tools down (cautiously and as if he didn't know how to handle them, I noticed; this was no soldier) and sat me in the chair. Straps were pulled tightly across my body; not uncomfortably, but firmly. Wrists. Ankles. Upper arms. Under my breasts. "Now, Viss – I mean, Esplin 9466 has been briefed on this, so there shouldn't be any confusion, but I dare say he'll be quite angry." His hands trembled as he tightened the last strap.

"He's always angry." I eyed his shaking fingers. "You were a Controller, weren't you?"

"That doesn't matter any more."

"How do I know you – "

"Won't use this chance to kill him? If I was going to do that, I would've done it before you entered the room."

I supposed that was true. I lifted my head and let Dr Glass press the IV needle to my neck.

"This might – "

"Pain doesn't bother me."

"Alright then." He put the line in. Then he set to work securing it, so that if I thrashed about the IV wouldn't tear anything important. It's pretty hard to tear yourself up with a plastic IV line anyway, but I guess nobody wanted to take chances. "This system is all for your protection, don't worry."

"And you're sure it'll work?"

"Yes. You ready?"

"As ever."

Dr Glass picked up the lavender box and carefully peeled the top away with trembling hands. Inside, a single Yeerk sat in gooey but translucent liquid. It didn't fight as Glass gently picked it out and held it to my ear. I still had some reservations about using an ex-Controller who clearly had issues with the wartime Empire for this, but he seemed to be handling it well.

The deadening of the ear canal, the pressure as the yeerk squeezed its way in; they were vaguely familiar. But it had been a long time since I'd felt them, and I'd mostly tried to forget. Even Aftran. It was hard to be selective about what parts I wanted to forget and what parts I wanted to remember. The pain-without-pain did feel a little like morphing though, as did the slightly creepy wrongness of the whole thing.

My left arm stopped responding to me. Then my left leg. I lost my right arm and leg at the same time. My breathing went last. When I was sure he could hear, I thought, {The substance in this needle – }

{Is fatal to Yeerks, but survivable by humans, and it'll start pumping the moment I start to morph or break one of these straps. I was told, and I can read the truth of it in your thoughts. Hello, Cassie the Animorph.}

{Hello, Visser.} I tried to ignore the old memories being opened in the background as he got to satisfying his curiosity on random things we'd left him wondering about over the years.

{Now now, you know I am not a Visser any more.} He sounded resigned.

{And there aren't any Animorphs any more. How have you been?}

{Why are you here?}

{Can't you read that in my mind?}

{No. I can only assume that you do not know.}

There's no point in lying to a Yeerk inside your own brain. It's liberating, in a way. {I guess I wanted... closure.}

{And you believe that I can provide it?}

{I don't know yet.} I realised that he was spending a lot of time looking at himself through my eyes. That wasn't exactly comfortable since I didn't really like remembering all those times he'd tried to eat me, but there wasn't much I could do about it. {Did Alloran ever scream in your head, Esplin?}

{What? Of course. Constantly.} The ex-Visser seemed no more interested in games and secrets than I was. I put that down to long-term loneliness. {He thought that you were all Andalite children. Every time I nearly killed one of you, he would plead with me not to.}

{He thought we were children?}

{Well, you were. And with Aximili present, it was a simple mistake. But no trained Andalite warrior would have behaved as you did. If we had thought the possibility that Elfangor would violate the law of Seerow's Kindness to be even remotely plausible...}

{You were together a long time. You and Alloran.}

{Yes.}

{And he fought you.}

{Every day. Screamed, fought, pleaded. I never gave an inch.} There was pride in his tone, pride at his dominance. The closest thing to anger or sadistic cruelty I'd seen since our meeting began.

{Yes yes, I'm sure it was quite an achievement.}

{Andalite spirits do not break. But I greatly enjoyed trying.}

{You're lying.}

{What?}

{A month, a year... yeah, I can see that. But all the time you were together? You respected him, didn't you? I bet you hated it when he begged for our lives.}

My arms pulled against the straps. {You don't know what you're talking about.}

{No, I'm not a sadistic murderer, so – }

{Really, Cassie the Animorph?} I felt him dig through my memories once more. {There are a lot of frankly unnecessary deaths in here. Including an entire hot tub full of helpless Yeerks whom... oh, whom your leader boiled alive while you stood guard?}

{I didn't say I wasn't a murderer, I said I wasn't a sadistic murderer.}

{No, you slaughtered innocent slaves because it was _necessary_.}

{You enslaved them!}

{And you killed more Yeerks in the final battle than all the human casualties in the war together.}

{That wasn't me!}

{And yet you suspect you could've stopped him. You think you should've been able to anticipate that sort of thing, and intervene. And you didn't.}

{You don't care about those Yeerks. Don't pretend you ever did.}

{No. But I thought you did.} He sounded tired. Resigned. Much like he had after we caught him.

{I am tired.}

Right. He could hear my thoughts.

{And it was my lieutenant who outsmarted me. Although I admit that I probably should have paid more attention to your little group.}

{Oh, you paid plenty of attention to us.}

{I was trying to manage a lot of different things at once, and you were one of many thorns in my sides. But it was one thorn too many, I think. And everything you did led directly to civil war... sabotaging my operations, the Voluntary Movement, the freed Hork-Bajir, losing the _Escafil_ device... I can see here that it was coincidence, but I still hardly believe it.}

{We stopped you.}

{Yes, somehow. It was never about you, though.}

{You spent a lot of time trying to eat us.}

{I ate a lot of people.}

{Yeah, I've... never been exactly sure why.}

{That's none of your business.}

{Not fair. _You_ can see _my_ secrets.}

{Alloran hated it. Andalites are prey animals.}

Well. Fair enough.

{Do you know how I ended up with Alloran? No, I see that you don't. You really should ask him to tell you the story sometime. But I didn't go for an Andalite simply for the power to morph. You Animorphs always seemed to overvalue that power. I was an expert on Andalites before I met Alloran. I was a... a biologist, you might say. Andalites and their homeworld, their ecosystems and culture, were something of a fascination of mine.}

{So you decided to try to enslave them all?}

{I made no such decision. _They_ chased _us_. But yes, I took opportunities where opportunities came.}

{And you became a Visser.}

{Eventually.}

{You weren't very good at it.}

I expected him to be angry, but instead he laughed; first in my mind, and then with my lungs. Hearty laughter exploded from my mouth, causing Dr Glass to jump and aim his Dracon at me; that just made Esplin laugh harder, and at some point I was laughing too, until we broke down into hysterical, oxygen-starved giggles.

{Have you ever wondered why I was put in charge of Earth?}

{... Because you were a big scary military leader?}

{Yes, that was my conclusion as well. Both then and now, but for different reasons. I've had a lot of time to think, you see. Not much else to do. The world is so busy, and there is always so much to get done, and when you're leading an invasion through intimidation and you have a Council of Thirteen behind you ready to execute you the moment your list of failures stretches longer than their patience and you have no idea how long that will take... well, those circumstances do not promote introspection. But lately, I have been thinking, and I think that this may interest you.}

{How so?}

{You rescued the host of the previous Visser One. So I assume you understand how the invasion of Earth started?}

{Eva? We don't... she doesn't exactly like to talk about Visser One.}

{The Visser One before me, Edriss 562, started the invasion of this planet. She did so via social engineering; she started The Sharing, with which it would seem you are familiar.}

{Yes, we a... I am.} The Sharing had been a frighteningly successful recruitment tool for the Yeerks. I still found it sort of chilling how easily humans were manipulated.

{Did you know that before the Andalites came along, the Yeerks had world peace? The entire planet is ruled by an Emperor who is both advised by and hidden among a Council of Thirteen. Fights happen, of course, but wars were unheard of. Then the Andalites came, and they gave us the stars and then took them away again. The Council of Thirteen made a military grab for Andalite ships and started running, trying to expand the Empire faster than it could be wiped out. But most Yeerks were on the homeworld, and due to the Andalites, they would never have a chance to leave, nor would those in space be able to return. The Council decided that the stars were worth a war, and some may have agreed and some may not have. But they were still the leaders of a planet of people who hadn't seen war. Do you understand the political picture I am painting here?}

{I don't – }

{We took the Taxxons with social negotiation. We had to defend ourselves militaristically from the Andalites; I was involved in that. It was where I met Alloran, in fact. I was a soldier, and then a military leader. Fighting was how I accomplished military goals. But we acquired our Taxxon hosts by speaking to them. I didn't think that was important at the time. The Taxxons are weak fools. But the Hork-Bajir, we fought. And we secured a narrow victory.}

{You conquered the Hork-Bajir.}

{We probably would have, eventually. But the Andalites nearly wiped them out first. We were left with far too few hosts, and that leaves people wondering; if we had've tried other tactics, would we have done better? Personally, I do not think that talking would have made any difference. But it's one more piece of data that tips the scales for some people. And then Edriss 562 finds our prize planet and the Council isn't there to stop her from launching an incredibly effective social takeover... so, of course, the Council are stuck.}

{They have to keep convincing their people that a war is worth fighting when actual fighting is really ineffective,} I added slowly. {So they... ah. Her success was a real problem. They couldn't very well abandon Earth, but she was walking proof of good, nonviolent tactics.}

{Not nonviolent. She killed plenty. But not on a battlefield. She was promoted for her glorious contribution to the Empire, of course. It must have irritated the Council to no end that she did not immediately do something execution-worthy and embarrassingly public. It was luck, of course, that she found such an easily manipulable species. Her tactics would never have worked on Hork-Bajir or Andalites. But that couldn't really be explained to the public.}

{So they wait until The Sharing is well-established, and then put a more militaristic leader in charge, to turn it into a glorious military victory.}

{I was being used the whole time. I thought my job was to expand the glorious Yeerk Empire and build a better future for my species, but it seems that it was mere political puppetry. I'm no politician, but perhaps if Edriss and I had not been so focused on competing with each other, we would have seen what was happening. Do you see what I mean when I say that this war wasn't about you?}

{I would have expected you to be angry about something like that.}

{I was, for about two months. But it is hard to stay angry without an Andalite War-Prince screaming in one's head all the time. Besides, I have to respect that it was a good plan. It would have worked brilliantly, if not for the meddling of Elfangor. And they sent Edriss 562 to some military post where she would be hopelessly incompetent, so that they could demonstrate her lack of skills properly and then execute her. Just one tiny, ridiculous detail messed up the Earth half of the plan.}

{The Animorphs.}

{I'm still not sure how you managed to push all the right buttons, and be the force that broke the Empire, by sheer chance.}

Chance? I knew better than that. We may have had no idea what we were doing, but somebody had. And I hadn't really seen his plan. I still didn't, really; but it was really suspicious...

The problem with talking to a mind-reader is that by the time you realise you shouldn't be thinking certain things where they can hear it, you've already thought them. He was already pulling everything I knew about the Ellimist out of my head before I even finished the thought.

{OH, THAT... HOW DARE HE?!}

{Hey, calm down!} I guess it was probably quite a shock. I knew that the Yeerks had a history with the Crayak, but I doubted that Esplin knew that the battle for Earth was part of their giant cosmic chess game.

{HE KILLED OUR EMPIRE! DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE – }

"Okay, time's up," Dr Glass announced shakily from across the room. "Sixty seconds and I start pumping Yeerk poison."

Esplin glared at him with my eyes. "You think you can command me to do anything?" (I didn't know my voice could even sound that harsh.) "I can be a Hork-Bajir before you could cross the room, you weaselly little – "

{Calm down, Esplin! The war is over!}

{SILENCE!}

If you think I'm going to be any easier to shut up than Alloran, you're sorely mistaken. I get it, alright? We were all puppets in that war, and you're sick of people jerking your strings, and – }

{The Council's motivations aside, I was a LEADER of the YEERK EMPIRE, you foolish girl!}

{And you lead through intimidation and you know as well as I do that that won't work here. You went against your nature to hurt people until it became your nature. You heard the screams and saw their deaths in your head at night.}

{Yeerks do not dream.}

{I bet Andalites do.}

Dr Glass reached for the pump switch. I sensed no fear from Esplin.

{Are you... are you committing suicide?! Is that why you agreed to this?!}

{What, are you surprised that I have found a way to turn bonds into a weapon, Animorph? You cannot move a muscle to stop me.}

{Don't. Please.}

{Because you need me to be a victory trophy in a pretty box? No longer. Do not worry... soon you will have control of your body again.}

{If you do this, your enemies win.}

{Do you have the faintest idea what it is like to be alone, for a Yeerk? When this is over, go home and morph into your friend Illim. And sit alone, for almost two hours. Try to imagine that for the rest of your life.} "What are you waiting for, fool?" he said aloud to Dr Glass, who seemed to be having trouble bringing himself to push the button.

{So you're giving up.}

{I could take you with me, if you prefer. The right morph, the right application of pressure to these straps, and the soldiers outside will be forced to gun you down to stop me.}

{You can't morph nearly that fast.}

{That depends how long this pathetic human is likely to dither once I begin.}

{Don't do it. Please just leave quietly. You don't need to die.}

{You're helpless to stop me.}

{I know.}

Esplin seemed to be in some sort of staring contest with Dr Glass. He didn't reply. So I continued.

{You said that Alloran used to plead for our lives. Has anybody ever pleaded for yours?}

Esplin blinked. And I found that I could move my left thumb.

{We'll finish this conversation later!} I said before he disconnected entirely. {In a month or so?}

I could feel Esplin's sheer bewilderment and, somewhere, a tiny sliver of hope and gratitude. But all he said was, {There is no possible way my captors will allow you to do this regularly. Not if they are sane.}

{Oh Visser, haven't you heard? I'm an Animorph. When has something being insane ever stopped us?}


End file.
